paper revision 1

Revise my paper. This is a narrative argument. my professor wrote a lot of notes on my paper, please follow them one by one. After following the notes written in the paper, make your own simple revision. my english is not my first language and you will notice this as you read the paper. so you will know my writing level and please dont go beyond that level. dont use hard vocabulary. fix all grammar (if any). the paper should be 1000-1250 words.